the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
