he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
