Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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