He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
