The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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