would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
