call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize