I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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