I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
