hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
