I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
