Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
