youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
