sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
