Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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