I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
