Nicole vs. Life
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize