Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
