I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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