you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
