Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
