if you like me you must not know who I am
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
