Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is wine microwaveable?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
