How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
