Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
