Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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