I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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