just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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