i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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