I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
