She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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