did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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