We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
