we made out on top of his cat.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
