now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
