The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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