I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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