Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
