I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
