I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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