Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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