Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
