I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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