i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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