I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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