He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
