The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
