omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
