I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
