i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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