Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
