butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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