Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
