What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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