well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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