I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
