I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
