he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
