I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize