You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
