Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
