I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
