I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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