I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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