No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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