We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize