My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
