I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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