we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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