My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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