Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
