Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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